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Sweet, saucy, and a little scary

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I realized it's been some time since I've posted...well, anything really...but in particular, I've neglected those 'round the town pick-ups that are so amusing and funny. So here are a few, which run the gamut from sorta charming to a just a bit frightening...

Will the young lady who took stage up Broadway on Thursday to Bleecker street, and who dropped green covered book in the mud while entering the stage at Liberty street, send her address to the gentleman who picked it up for her and oblige? Address W.X.F. box 91 Brooklyn Post office

See, that's kind of cute, right? I can see it now. A young man is walking by a stagecoach when a book falls to the ground at his feet. He picks it up, looks up to hand it back to its owner, only to see that lo, and behold! the owner is in fact a beautiful young lady who is filled with gratitude. He hastily uses his own coat to wipe off the mud lest she get any dirt on her pretty lace gloves before handing it back to her. Their eyes meet - and it's love at first sight! But alas! She is already on the stage and it is driving away! What can our hero do but place an ad in the Personals in the hopes of yet again meeting this lovely but elusive damsel in distress? How romantic!

Minnie - "You wished me to call you friend." From Broadway to Second avenue and back to University street cars. Write again, same address; you have the card. J * *

Now this, see, is a little more flirty. Oh, I can just see Minnie and J * * riding back and forth on the street cars together. They're both young working-class kids (I might be totally hallucinating here, but I am pretty sure that stagecoaches were slightly more expensive and therefore more geared towards the middle class, while street cars were cheaper...but a quick Google search doesn't back me up and I'm too lazy to do any research at the moment), with time to kill and nowhere to go. After all, it's winter, so no one wants to be outside, they don't want to hang out under their parents noses or with their siblings around, and Minnie is too respectable to go into a saloon. Thus, they ride the street cars. Did the kids get their kicks this way back then, you ask? Answer: no clue. I just made that up, but sure, it would make sense. Anyway, Minnie is a good girl, but let's face it, a bit of a tease, and she's all: "No no, we're just friends," when really she's totally making eyes at him and letting a little ankle show. But, J * * is willing to play along, thus the personal. Love it.

Will the lady who walked through Twenty-eighth street on Saturday morning, about 10 o'clock, and went into a house a few doors below Twenty-eight street in Third avenue, and there looked out of the third story window, allow the gentleman who followed her, and who noticed her at the door and at the window, to make her acquaintance? He is anxious to do so, and will keep any communications confidentially. Address S. Cass, Herald office.

Yikes!!! How could this guy write this ad and not realize how creepy this is? Let's get this straight: you followed a lady down 28th St to her door and waited outside while she walked up to the third floor and then looked out the window to see if the scary stalker dude was still following her and you don't think this is weird? Really, S. Cass? Jeez, this poor lady. Some guy follows her to her house and then chills outside? How long did he wait? Did she go upstairs and look out the window right away? And if she hadn't, would he have stayed indefinitely? You know how I would feel if even the nicest- and friendliest-looking guy on the planet followed me home and then loitered outside my window? Freaked out, that is how I would feel! Dang! If he was sincere he needs to brush up on his social skills and read a self-help book about how to relate to women or something because this? Is not the way. I hope he left her alone after that!

Romance, flirtations, and creepy stalkers. All in a day's work for me.

©2011 Pam Epstein


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