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I'm thinking serial killer

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Okay, maybe not really, but there is something a little bit creepy about this ad.  Or, it could be interpreted as creepy.  It could also be totally legit.  I'm not sure.  Honestly?  I just got home from a first day back to teaching in almost a year and people, I'm tired.  So make of this ad what you will:


A middle aged physician, having long dwelt in foreign parts, and being now able to establish a comfortable home and to offer a desirable alliance, wishes to marry a healthy, good, handsome and poor woman.  She must be a lady and of unquestioned standing.  His preferences are for a person of about the following description: - Widow, without incumbrance; light hair, five feet five inches, 160 pounds, 32 years, housekeeper, alto voice.  Such an one, or friends of such an one, will oblige by addressing Home Seeker, box 108 Herald Uptown office.

See I actually think he's sincere.  Actually I'm not sure.  I think he's probably sincere but I still get a creepy vibe that says he's one of those serial killers who always picks victims that are the same.  Do people like that exist outside of television and movies?  But what a funny description he gives of his ideal woman!  I get that some people have preference for hair color, height, even weight.  But he's like way, way too specific.  Healthy, good, handsome, poor (why poor?), widowed, no children, light hair, 5'5", 160 pounds, 32 years, housekeeper, and, my personal favorite, alto voice.  I take it back!  He can't possibly be a serial killer with a type because there's no way that there are two women who fit this exact description.  Maybe this is what his first wife, who died under mysterious circumstances in "foreign parts," was like?  See?  Creepy!  Even if he isn't planning to kill her in some gruesome way that involves forcing her to sing (I...dunno what I'm talking about here), it's still weird that his ideal is this specific.  I mean, fine, he says "preferences are for a person of about the following description," so clearly he's flexible.  But how do you even come up with this?

I wonder if he got his wish, or if he settled for someone less than "ideal."  And what happened next??


©2010 Pam Epstein

9 comments:

A.M.O. September 2, 2010 at 9:02 PM  

The man knows what he wants! God bless him for specifically desiring a lady who by 2010 standards would be overweight.

Jennifer September 2, 2010 at 9:08 PM  

I once knew a woman who would only date men 3" taller than her. She said that was the ideal height difference for kissing while standing. People can be very, very weird.

Breanna September 2, 2010 at 9:10 PM  

I think that he is flirting with a specific woman. Perhaps he knows she reads the personal column and can't (due to shyness or some kind of social barrier) let her know he's interested in her directly.

Pam September 2, 2010 at 9:18 PM  

A.M.O. - I thought the same thing - especially because she'd be overweight by the standards of the time as well.

Jennifer - Indeed!

Breanna - I love that idea! Brilliant!!

Bianca September 2, 2010 at 10:52 PM  

Probably has a crush on someone he cannot have that meets this description. His brother's new wife, or something like that.

The specific person idea crossed my mind as well.

Cari Hislop September 3, 2010 at 6:33 PM  

The specifics do make it seem likely there was a specific intended woman. I hope she read it and thought, that sounds just like me, I'll write...and then when she met him found it was the man who sat on the next pew at church. The one who often glanced her way during long boring sermons...that would make a good intro to a romance novel!

I don't know what age level you're teaching, but I wish you good luck!

Pam September 3, 2010 at 7:05 PM  

Oh man, I think serial killer, you guys think romance novel.

I think there's something wrong with me!

CalLadyQED September 3, 2010 at 10:56 PM  

^Ms. Epstein, maybe you've been working on this thesis too long. :)

It occured to me as well, that he might have a specific woman in mind, either to get her attention or to find someone like her who was available. The weight thing is not very romantic though.

@Jennifer: Makes sense to me!

Pam September 4, 2010 at 7:43 AM  

CalLadyQED - take out that "maybe" and you're 100% right!

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