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Busted!

Friday, October 23, 2009

I was going to save this for another day, but don't have much time for editorial, so figured I'd use an ad that speaks for itself!




D.D.H. - I solemnly swear I love you only, and to death, as you declared you loved me. For the first time in my life I ask pardon. Let your loyal heart speak. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble D.D. ---. I swear I shall altogether henceforth dedicate my whole life to your happiness: a revolution has been accomplished. Never again an unkind word. Shall be constantly amiable as you always desired me to be. We will be married as soon as difficulties removed, which will be done promptly. We shall enjoy uninterrupted, supreme happiness. But if your own love does not persuade you to do this, let not this communication. A letter or telegram will bring ample funds promptly.

There are quite a lot of possibilities of things that may have prompted this ad, but my guess is that this author got caught fooling around with some other girl on the side. (It's got to be a man - I wouldn't buy for a second that a message written in this style could have been from a woman.) But, in my opinion, he's an arrogant prig who just doesn't want to lose D.D.H. (perhaps something to do with these "ample funds"?), and is really only sorry that he got caught. I mean, whatever happened - be it an affair or something else entirely - it seems pretty clear he was at fault, but he says "exchange forgiveness with me." As contrite as he's trying to sound, he still levels some of the blame at her.

It doesn't entirely add up to be a cheatin' heart, but it's the interpretation that I like best. Do you guys see it differently? I have to run, so feel free to give me your thoughts!

Having trouble reading the ads? Click one to enlarge!

©2009 Pam Epstein

4 comments:

matt October 24, 2009 at 10:03 AM  

I have to smile. He is an ass, to be sure, but translated into 21st century idiom, he's just another asshole guy. And haven't we all been that at some point? :)

Jennifer August 23, 2010 at 8:30 PM  

"Never again an unkind word. Shall be constantly amiable as you always desired me to be."

Those lines make me think he was abusing her and she ran away. If she'll just let him know where she is, he'll send her the money to come home. It's the honeymoon stage of abuse - something horrible said or done, remorse over his actions, promises to change, wonderful treatment and spoiling her - only to eventually start slipping back into his abusive behavior. I hope she didn't go back.

"We will be married as soon as difficulties removed, which will be done promptly."

If there's cheating going on, I think the woman he's pleading with was the girlfriend and he was trying to convince her the wife was dying, or leaving, or something.

Or maybe I'm just being cynical and seeing a sociopath where there's nothing more than an everyday jerk. :)

Anonymous August 23, 2010 at 9:53 PM  

I agree with Jennifer. I felt a very "oh I'm so sorry [that I hit you], it will never happen again [but it will], I love you so much [I don't, I just want you back so I can beat you more]!" kind of vibe from this.

Pam August 23, 2010 at 10:05 PM  

I could definitely see the abusive boyfriend in this. Exactly the kind of thing you'd imagine someone like that saying: "I swear, this was the last time!"

Murdering husband? That's more a stretch. But I'm pretty much open to any interpretation! ;)

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