I'm thinking serial killer

Okay, maybe not really, but there is something a little bit creepy about this ad.  Or, it could be interpreted as creepy.  It could also be totally legit.  I'm not sure.  Honestly?  I just got home from a first day back to teaching in almost a year and people, I'm tired.  So make of this ad what you will:

A middle aged physician, having long dwelt in foreign parts, and being now able to establish a comfortable home and to offer a desirable alliance, wishes to marry a healthy, good, handsome and poor woman.  She must be a lady and of unquestioned standing.  His preferences are for a person of about the following description: - Widow, without incumbrance; light hair, five feet five inches, 160 pounds, 32 years, housekeeper, alto voice.  Such an one, or friends of such an one, will oblige by addressing Home Seeker, box 108 Herald Uptown office.

See I actually think he's sincere.  Actually I'm not sure.  I think he's probably sincere but I still get a creepy vibe that says he's one of those serial killers who always picks victims that are the same.  Do people like that exist outside of television and movies?  But what a funny description he gives of his ideal woman!  I get that some people have preference for hair color, height, even weight.  But he's like way, way too specific.  Healthy, good, handsome, poor (why poor?), widowed, no children, light hair, 5'5", 160 pounds, 32 years, housekeeper, and, my personal favorite, alto voice.  I take it back!  He can't possibly be a serial killer with a type because there's no way that there are two women who fit this exact description.  Maybe this is what his first wife, who died under mysterious circumstances in "foreign parts," was like?  See?  Creepy!  Even if he isn't planning to kill her in some gruesome way that involves forcing her to sing (I...dunno what I'm talking about here), it's still weird that his ideal is this specific.  I mean, fine, he says "preferences are for a person of about the following description," so clearly he's flexible.  But how do you even come up with this?

I wonder if he got his wish, or if he settled for someone less than "ideal."  And what happened next??


©2010 Pam Epstein

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...like a horse?

Oh how I love these ads! Love, love, love. One of the greatest disappointments for me in all my dissertation research is that I have found nothing, not one thing, not one single scrap of evidence, in which anyone wrote about, objected to, answered, investigated, or even acknowledged the existence of this particular type of ad and the men who published them. What I wouldn't give for the story behind these!

Agreeable young man (25) desires position of any character from lady; absolute confidence assured.  Address Honorable, 153 Broadway, Brooklyn.

A lonely young bachelor, discreet, refined, offers his services in confidential capacity to large, stylish miss or widow, 25 to 30, financially independent; no others; object, matrimony.  Thoroughbred, 416 Herald.

Thoroughbred?  Thoroughbred??  Come on!  How did this make it into the paper?  Now, I don't know that that word has the sexual innuendo that it does today, but the fact that it's there suggests that, well, it must have done!  Otherwise, what would this mean?  I suppose he could be saying just that he's of good, old, White Anglo-Saxon Protestant American stock, but Thoroughbred horses are, according to Wikipedia, particularly known for being hot-blooded, spirited, agile, and they "perform with maximum exertion."  Oh lordy, am I getting away from being family friendly here?  Do I have a terribly dirty mind?  Is there anyone out there who didn't immediately think the same thing I did?  No one?  Just me, then?

Moving on!

In all seriousness, whatever you make of "Thoroughbred," the implications of these ads are clear.  They promise discreet and confidential services to women only, and really, if they wanted jobs as manservants they'd be advertising in the "Help Wanted" section, not the Personals column.  Fine, the one guy says "object, matrimony," but that is just being coy.  I suppose he'd probably marry a very rich woman if she wanted to, but he's not expecting it.  He's just being, well, discreet.

But the sad thing is, I'll never know.  Never, never.  It's true that there's plenty about these ads I'll never know.  I'll probably never find out the truth about Sadda Rang and Lalla Rang, and I don't know really who most of these advertisers were.  But at least I have contemporaries talking about that kind of ad -  acknowledging them - usually criticizing them - but often speculating just as I do about who the advertisers were and what they were doing.  And there was a lot of outrage over them.  There was outrage over ads in which generous gentlemen wanted to make the acquaintance of working girls; there was outrage over ads in which reduced ladies wanted to meet gentlemen of means.  But no one - no one - ever even referred to ads like the two above.  It was like a total willful blindness to imagine that there would be women in the world who would hire men for sex.

I'm going to get a little OT here and ramble down history road, but, one of the stereotypes about Victorian Americans is that they were sexually repressed.  But, they talked about sex all the time - mostly negatively, but they were really obsessed with it.  Here's a place where I think the repression was real.  The possibility that women might actually have any kind of desire was just impossible to fully grasp and so they just avoided it altogether.  At least that's my opinion.  Because believe me, these people were almost as fascinated with personal ads as I am, and yet unlike me - this was the one type of ad they almost never, ever, ever talked about.*

Which is too bad because man I wish I could find out more.

*I do have one instance in which someone answered one of these ads and then published a reply, but they never actually followed up to find out exactly what services the man offered.  The letter was suggestive, but really all he said was that he was free during the day and liked to have fun.

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Endymion

I ran across this ad yesterday and I'm so glad, because it fits in perfectly with my revisions, and it's also so, so romantic.  A perfect counterpart to Mister Practical of yesterday.  Here goes:

"No one is so accursed by fate,No one so utterly desolate,
But some heart, though unknown,
Responds unto his own."
A gentleman awaits a response from a lady of culture and refinement.  Address W.D., Constitution office.
10-1--sun-5t

Awww.  Love!  Any American Lit devotees may recognize the above quotation (I had to look it up), from a poem called "Endymion" (thus the heading of this blog post), by the very famous poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.


This ad appeared in the midst of a personals column filled with patent medicines, quack cures, but enhancements, detoxes for drunks...all sorts of unsavory classifieds.  So I had never noticed it before, really, and yet there it was - a diamond in the rough.  A rose amidst the weeds.  What have you.  There is just something so, I don't know, hopeful about this ad.  I like the end: "A gentleman awaits a response..."  That's it.  No, "Hey look at me I'm so awesome and rich and I want a wealthy wife!"  Just, here's my sentiment, and if you match it, let me know.

Anyway, I'm off in a few hours to a wedding, so it seems only appropriate to have included an ad like this.  I hope he also had a happy ending!

©2010 Pam Epstein

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I think I need a wife

No, that's actually how this ad begins! Check it:

Matrimonial. - I think I need a wife; one educated well, and rich to, but not very, for I am a lawyer and somewhat of a politician, and she must maintain the station. For myself, I spurn the "social lie" which thinks and says the Press is no fit medium of introduction. "If their hearts be right it matters little how they met." Address Charles V. Barrington, Union-square Post office.

Charles, you are a man ahead of your time. Well, in some ways, like the "spurning the 'social lie'" part, which was kind of cool. I mean, there were obviously quite a lot of people using matrimonial ads, but most of them are a little embarrassed about it, or use an ad as a last resort, or feel the need to endlessly justify why they're printing one (it's 11pm and too late for me to put up pretty links to examples, sorry). This guy is like, "'Ef that. I want a wife! And this is how I'm gonna find one!"

So kudos to you for being progressive; you were 100% correct, sir. But Charles, you're also a little, well, strange. You start your ad with "I think I need a wife"? That's your pick-up line? Well, good for you! You think you need a wife! It's like he's walking down the street one day, all happy in his bachelorhood, when a light goes off and he thinks, "Hang on! I think I need a wife!!" And then he just jots that down and runs straight to the newspaper office. I wonder if he thinks he needs a wife not because he actually wants one, but because he thinks he actually needs one as an aspiring politician. Also, favorite line: she needs to be well educated and rich "to." Niiiicce. Say you want an educated wife and then use "to" incorrectly. It's supposed to be "too," you idi -- er, Charles. I guess it could be a printer's typo. If so I'll bet he was fuming.

Also love? He wants her to be rich, because he wants her money, but not too ("too"!) rich, because he doesn't want to look he's living off his wife's wealth, since that never looks good for a politician (if I wasn't so lazy I'd be putting in clever links to John Kerry and John McCain right about now). Presumably, "she must maintain the station" means that she has to look like she's living off a lawyer's salary. So, to recap, he wants her to have money so he can live more comfortably, but he wants it to look like he's supporting them with his own income. Classy!!

Now I ran a quick Google search for Charles Barrington and only came up with a British baronet from the turn of the 18th century, but there are just enough parallels that I wonder if this name was a choice rather than real. Charles Barrington, baronet, was also a politician. And although he doesn't appear to have had any middle name, he was the 5th baronet. Get it? Geddit? 5 = V?

So either I'm totally reaching (likely) and this guy was a big fan of the British peerage circa 1700, or, by some amazing coincidence, this really was his name. I wouldn't be surprised either way.

©2010 Pam Epstein

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I'm very versatile

Hee hee hee. Okay, I'm sure this doesn't mean what just came into my head, but don't lie, you guys all thought the same thing.

Very versatile gentleman furnishes unique and original ideas for any practical purpose. Ingenuity, 242 Herald.

I suppose it's possible that your minds aren't as deeply in the gutter as mine, but to be fair on me, I happen to be able to look at all the ads surrounding this one, and they're all about love, and marriage, and (most importantly) sex. Like:

A young Frenchman (23), having a good situation, desires the acquaintance of a young American lady. Serieux, box 237 Herald office.

Refined young widow desires to hear from elderly gentleman of means; object, matrimony. Address Petite, Herald.

Neither Serieux nor Petite are looking for spouses; these were published in the early 1890s and by that time, "object, matrimony" had become - in many cases - a cover for people looking for (or offering themselves as) sugar daddies. Since there were also occasionally ads from men offering themselves as boy toys (more or less) - such as this guy or this guy (the second ad) - there's no reason why Mr. Versatile couldn't be offering his services in a similar way.

Fine, probably not. He doesn't say anything about offering his services to women only (but then again, maybe that's why he's versatile!!!), and he does say any "practical" purpose. I suppose he's probably just some eccentric guy who thinks he's a creative genius too brillian to work at a boring old job, so wants people to pay him to be clever. But I prefer my version. After all, if ads like this one, one of my all-time favorites, existed, then anything was possible.

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Strong and beautiful

Hard to read, but luckily, I'm here for you!

F.C.E. - Your strong, helpful letter has reached me.  Everything you write is true.  I was a fool, but thank God, the cobwebs are out of my brain.  You have done wonders with me.  I am entirely changed.  I shall be politic and patient.  You are very wise, and I shall take my plans from you.  You will find me a very reasonable person in the future.  You are as good and kind as you are beautiful.  I love you.  Write me when you can.

Well, I can imagine quite a few scenarios here!  Actually this ad reminds me a lot of another one, written around the same time, here, which I thought was all about a guy cheating on his girlfriend.  I'm not sure the exact same situation is going on here, but the tone of repentance is similar.

I think that this person either got totally bewitched by another woman (I think the writer is a man because he calls his correspondent "beautiful," which you just don't say about men - though of course it could be a woman to a woman or a man to a man, who knows?) and thought he was in love.  Or, somehow other people convinced him that F.C.E. was cheating on him, or a bad person, or something. 

Whatever the case, he's seen the light!  He's been saved, not a moment too soon!

I'm also not entirely sure that the author and F.C.E. are romantically involved, though that's obviously what I tend to assume.  I mean, you don't have to be in a relationship with someone to love them.  F.C.E. could be a dear friend, a sibling, who knows?  I'm going back to David Copperfield again, actually, and thinking about his relationship to Agnes throughout most of the book.  Seems like a fairly similar story.  F.C.E. is his sister or sisterly friend who is wise beyond her years, loyal, faithful, loving and good - and the author is a foolish young man easily swayed by fascinating, though immoral or at the least, unsuited, people. 

But now he's been redeemed!  At least for the moment.  I can't help but think that he's been cured of whatever foolish infatuation he had, but he's young and susceptible, and I suspect that if some other bewitching young lady fluttered her eyelashes in his direction he'd fall head over heels all over again.

Thoughts?

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Back in the New York Times!!!

Check it out! Great article by Ron Lieber in the Times about the appeal (or lack thereof) of appearing frugal in online dating - with me providing some historical insight!

See it here!

Oh, and for those of you who haven't seen it already, check out my Valentine's Day op-ed in the Times, here!

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Damsel in distress

And matrimonial week continues.  Maybe next week will be lovelorn couples week.  In any event, here's another that stands out.

A young lady who is handsome, highly accomplished, and who on coming of age will possess a handsome competence, is anxious to avoid a matrimonial alliance which her relatives are forcing upon her.  With this view she wishes to make the acquaintance of a gentleman of education, refinement, and pleasing personal appearance, who would rescue her from her impending unhappy fate.  Address, for three days, Dulcina, Madison square Post office.

WOW!  Does anyone smell a romance novel in the works?  This is crazy talk!  So this girl must be an orphan; she comes into a handsome competence when of age, which suggests there's an inheritance that's been left to her, and she refers to relatives - not parents.  And who are these cruel, demanding relatives?  Who is this awful guy she doesn't want to marry?  I wanna know!

You know, this is pretty heavy stuff - not to mention dangerous.  She's reaching out and trying to find a random stranger to elope with her, and obviously she's in a time crunch here, so it's not like she's got much leisure for a lengthy courtship.  She's just trusting to fate that the guy she meets isn't a fortune hunter, because (as I recently said) he'll have a lot of control over her money.  She can't be completely stupid; she's got to know the risks.  Which means the man her relatives are trying to force upon her must be pretty darn repulsive.  This is desperation indeed. 

I have to wonder, though, exactly what it is that's so bad about him.  It's obviously more than that she doesn't love him, because she's not trying to find love through the ad - just a husband.  Is it something like he's brutal and cruel?  Or is it more that she's 17 and he's 50 and she doesn't want to marry someone old enough to be her father?  I'm not blaming her if the latter, I'm just really curious what kind of relatives these are if they're forcing her into a marriage with someone she is so incredibly opposed to that she's willing to go to this extreme.  If it's the age scenario, or something like it, they're just being thoughtless.  If the guy's a real, real jerk, they must be Pure Evil. 

I hope she got safely out of this jam.  Definitely an out of the fire, into the frying pan situation here.  However terrible this person is, someone met through a matrimonial could be a lot worse.  If, for example, the man her relatives have picked out for her deserts her, they'd at least be obligated to take her back in (one would think).  But if she elopes they'll cast her off, and if her husband absconds with her money, they'll never take her in again.    I wonder what her relatives are threatening her with if she refuses the marriage - since they couldn't literally force her - this wasn't the Middle Ages.

Poor thing!  It breaks my heart.

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Boo

I just found these two ads today and they made me very, very sad.  Read on, dear readers:

An American gentleman, age 33, of wealth and education, a lawyer by profession, connected with extensive manufacturing interests, also building important trusts in a fiduciary capacity, possessing but limited time to mingle in general society, seeks the acquaintance, with a view to matrimony, of a high minded, middle aged, Christian-hearted lady (must be similarly situated regarding wealth as writer); full and candid explanations given as to this manner of proceeding; references of the very highest order concerning character, standing, past life, &c., and every possible assurance of good faith and sincerity; correspondence solicited only from a lady as above; the same treated honorably, in strict confidence, and returned; no communications received from trifling, irresponsible, or adventurous persons.  Address, for ten days, Truth, box 23 1/2 Herald office.

An American gentleman of large wealth, educated, refined, in the full possession of health, having now but limited time to mingle in general society, seeks the acquaintance in this most unconventional manner, with a view to matrimony, of a high minded, Christian-hearted, wealthy lady of mature years; to avoid triflers, and as a bar to all mercenary motives, thorough and positive statements as to wealth and income must be given; no letters noticed unless containing full particulars, also unexceptionable references, any true lady, as above, need feel no diffidence in replying, as her confidence will be held sacred and all correspondence immediately returned when requested; the limited scope of a newspaper advertisement admits of but a faint outline of the writer's purpose, his views and honorable intentions, but full and minute details will be given in reply; no communications received from irresponsible or adventurous persons.  Address, for ten days, Truth, box 180 Herald office, New York.

Okay, this is depressing for two reasons.  The first I think you can tell just from reading the second ad - the guy got lots of letters from people trying to jerk him around.  The second thing is that these ads were printed over a full year apart!

Waah!  I'm so sad for him!! 

I suppose it's possible that this guy is some scam artist who is using the matrimonials to rip off rich women, given how demanding he is about knowing their exact income.  But there's something really aggrieved in the second ad that suggests to me he is sincere.  I mean, that's a whole lot of money he just spent to prevent adventurers from responding to his ad, and if he is himself an adventurer, I doubt it would be worth it.  So I'm going to take it on faith that he's an honest guy, who is so busy with all these business matters he refers to that he has no time to go out and meet people, and he's trying in the only way he can think of to meet a wife...and look what happens!  People write him to play tricks, or women write who only want to marry him for his money.  Of course, he says he only wants to marry a wealthy woman, but I suppose I can at least get behind that in the sense that if you're going to marry someone you want to know for sure that they're doing it because they love you, not because they're super poor and need you to support them.  Man, my pronoun usage sucks today.

Seriously, though, I feel sorry for "Truth."  He's obviously turning to the ad because he's desperate, since he is fully aware of how unconventional and strange it is, but he's got some kind of extenuating circumstance that is compelling him.  He goes out of his way to promise assurances of his own good faith, character, respectability, etc. and promises that he'll explain in minute detail why he has to do this.  And people take advantage of his attempts at transparency.  People are mean!! 

I wonder what kind of letters he got?  Teenage girls composing fake replies with their friends for fun and giggling over the ludicrous things they write?  Gold-diggers who want a rich husband?  It's odd because I would think, if the first ad resulted in such awful responses that he felt he had to do that much to prevent more of the same, that he would just not write an ad again!  If it was such a failure the first time, right?  I suppose it's possible that he got enough nice, normal women, even though it didn't work out with any of them, that he thought it worth trying again, but given how obviously bitter he was in the second ad, it seems like a pretty risky venture.

I don't think he printed an ad again the following year; I wasn't able to find one, at any rate.  I guess it means he either found someone and lived happily ever after, or he got so much junk mail that he gave up in disgust.  I hope the former.  He seems so lonely.

©2010 Pam Epstein

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Southern love

I'm revising a chapter all about matrimonial ads right now, so I've been digging up a lot of new gems.  I always think sooner or later I'm going to run out of good ads to write about, but those Victorians never fail to entertain.  These two, both from Southerners sojourning in New York, were right next to each other so I thought I'd just put them both in at once.

A wealthy Southern young lady, whom circumstances compel to live with strangers, where she is not happy, wishes to make the acquaintance of a thorough gentleman, not over thirty years, who would be willing to form an immediate matrimonial connection, as she don't like to return South.  Address for two days H.M ---y, Herald office.

A young man of superior education, habituated to good society, with abundant means at his control, but having a limited acquaintance at the North, would be pleased to open a correspondence with a young lady of good family and not over 22 years of age.  Should the correspondence prove agreeable to both parties and a more intimate acquaintance be desired, references will be exchanged.  Adress H. Andrews, station C Post office, N.Y.

Wow, the first is soooo intriguing.  Why is a wealthy Southern young lady compelled to live with strangers?  If she's so rich, can't she live alone, or at the very least, choose her living arrangements to her own satisfaction?  Well, probably not, come to that.  It's not so easy for a young lady to live alone or really make any of her own choices back in the day.  I'm going to go with the scenario of: girl's parents died and so she's living with her guardian, who was her dad's best friend from West Point or something, who she's never met before and doesn't like.  Anyway, the bff has a second home in New York, so they've been living there for awhile, and she really doesn't want to go back South at the end of the trip.  (And who could blame her?  The Deep South pre-air-conditioning?  Literally: hell.  Especially when you're wearing a hoop skirt with petticoats and whale-bone corsets or whatever dreadful things women had to encase themselves in back then.  But I digress.)  So since their return is imminent, her solution is to get married now.  Too bad she couldn't have met this guy, but they were years apart.  Still, like yesterday's advertisers, announcing that you're wealthy and then saying you want to get married immediately is just begging to be preyed upon by a fortune hunter.  All that being said, however, what's with the "she don't like to return South."  She "don't" like?  What kind of wealthy Southern lady has such bad grammar?  Almost makes me suspect her true identity, though on the other hand, they weren't blessed with word-processing grammar checks back then, so I guess I shouldn't be too harsh.

Speaking of strange mistakes in ads claiming to be from wealthy, well-educated, and refined people, I note that H. Andrews said "Adress" instead of "Address."  Possibly a printer's typo, although I've noticed these papers were pretty good about not making many spelling errors in these ads.  However, it happens now and then. Anyway, he doesn't actually say he's from the South, but just the explanation that he doesn't know many people in the North implies it.  Odd that he puts it that way.  Why not say that he doesn't know many people in this city?  Why the entire North?  Also, I note that he never actually says he wants to get married.  His ad is in the matrimonial column, but all he ever says is that he wants a correspondence and maybe something a little more "intimate" later on.  Maybe he's just looking for a fun time while traveling in the North and that's all.  Honestly, I doubt that, but you never know!

©2010 Pam Epstein

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